What a kid!!

When Coulson started kindergarten I remember the excited rush of the morning. We had a great day! I do not remember what he wore or what the weather was like, but I remember kneeling down at his side to put on his shoes. He was so anxious and so happy to start school. He looked up at me and with the sweetest sincerity he said, "I hope I can remember how to spell cat." It broke my heart, he was so eager to learn and so eager to please.

Obviously, he is now quite a bit older. He is the big 12! Many new adventures come with the milestone of twelve years!! Coulson became a Deacon. He became a boy scout and now attends mutual every week. It really is unbelievable.

Here he is with a stalwart group of men who participated as Coulson received the Aaronic Priesthood. The blessing was amazing. Tyler was a bit nervous and very serious about the responsibility he carried in blessing Coulson. He had a strong group of wonderful men there to support him and Coulson.

When the actual ordination took place, I could feel the heavy presence of those who have passed on before Coulson, and would have participated in the flesh had they been given the chance. I could feel my father in the room. It was breathtaking. I can't really articulate the feeling, but I know he was there.

I was six months pregnant with Coulson when my father died suddenly of a heart attack at the young age of 50. A few months previous to his death I had had a vivid dream wherein my dad had died. The dream was so upsetting I asked Tyler to give me a Priesthood blessing of comfort.

Tyler did give me that blessing. I remember one thing in particular that Tyler said and that was my father would be here as long as I needed him. I was so comforted. At the time I had interpreted those words as a surety he would be here. I did need him. I needed him everyday, I needed his example for my unborn child. I needed to get to know my father and enjoy a mature father-daughter relationship. I needed him here.

Well, it turned out he passed away that fall. I was profoundly sorrowful and that grief was steeped with the aid of pregnancy hormones. I was stunned at his sudden departure and numb.

Somehow the years have added up, and my dad has been gone over a decade. I miss him more deeply as he is physically absent and not there, among my family, at many important events or not there for a simple laugh. He is not here to tease or tickle my little ones. So many moments of sadness are triggered around his absence.

I am sure he would be so pleased with his first grandson. I know he would have taken special time with Coulson, especially since there were some years when Coulson was the only grandson until my little nephew, Bradley, came along.

My heart wishes Coulson had his grand daddy here on Earth. I long for him to know Coulson and for Coulson to know him. I would replace any selfish time I long to have with my dad and give it all to Coulson, if only I could.

But, alas, somethings just were not meant to be. Although, I can not now understand why I must, or my children must, or my sweet husband must- trod along without the strong power and influence of my father here on Earth. I can know he really is here for me. And though I can not see him with my human eyes my heart can see him all around me, strengthening me, and setting the bar high.

Today Coulson started Junior High. I can't believe how time flies. Another milestone without my dad. But I know what my dad would say, because he said the same thing to me every day he dropped me off at school. He would say,"Good Bye!! Have FUN!!" Wise words from an even wiser man. Until we meet again dad! I hope I make you proud. I hope my boys make you chuckle, that ever distinct laugh you make, and you can watch over them. FOREVER.